The title really basically says it all, although it omits the fact that the latter overrides the former. But anyone in my situation would know that.
Yes. Influenza A. This would be Day 4, I think. Although the two days preceeding Day 1 weren't great, either--I'm just hesitant to lump them with the Influenza count, as the symptoms were fairly different.
(As an aside, isn't it strange how sickness brings out the blogger in me? This malnourished blog might starve straight to death if good health was any more persistent).
So today has been spent mostly in cleaning my room, lamenting that I was not able to make it to Paul's swim meet. I feel about awful about that.
And cleaning did not help much. While cleaning, I had a series of self-esteem destroying revelations. They are:
1. I have a lot of stuff.
2. I need to take better care of my stuff.
I have to admit: while the economy has been very ugly for many people, it's been very, very kind to me. This hourly just got a quarter raise last week, to pad an already ridiculous salary. And while I do think I spend a fair amount of it on worthy things, today, going through my clothes and everything, I was disgusted with how much I spend on me.
I may decry yuppie values in public, but I have a pretty yuppie closet.
My free spending isn't honoring to God, and my current habits won't do me any good when I get to college, either. I'm still not quite sure what I want to do about this. Obviously, keep better track of my finances, and try to put more thought into my purchases. Learn to wait to buy things.
What I'm thinking is this: a two-month spending freeze on anything for myself. This means I can still run out and buy flowers for my mom or grandmother when she's sick, or randomly pick up some Wisconsin beefsticks for Nate on the way out of work. When I finally get better, I can go and buy the Valentine's Day present I picked out for Paul on the Internet. I just can't randomly buy anything for myself.
As for the second revelation, it will just be a matter of effort. If I can make what I have last longer, I can cut back even more on buying new things. I don't want to be a materialist. It kills me that I've gotten this close. God doesn't give us resources to keep to ourselves; I feel as if I've broken trust with Him by spending so much on myself. I'm currently sponsoring a little girl in Peru, but now I'm wondering about taking on another.
Ugh, days when you hate who you are. Paul says he doesn't have them. That sounds nice, but I'm kind of glad I do. Change rarely occurs without some prior agitation, and it seems like I've experienced a lot of that lately.
Happy Valenine's Day!
