Your tax dollars at work

Nathaniel brought home a child last night as a simulation for his health class. It was this horrible little doll with perpetually open eyes that cried about every forty-five minutes (sometimes every fifteen, just to throw you off). Once it started whimpering, he had two minutes to get it to stop by deciding what it needed and providing the required service as quickly as possible. Luckily, the baby only "needed" four things: bottle, diaper change, burping, rocking. Nathaniel, being the surprisingly clever child he is, thought he'd cover all his bases at once. I came home from work to find the doll sitting contentedly in its car seat on an unfolded diaper, sucking away at a bottle ductaped to its face. One of the things the program tries to stress is the importance of keeping the baby's head from tipping back, especially when you lift it out of its seat (or try to force it on your older sister). Nate had come up with a remedy for this long before the baby even came home. Why waste time trying to hold it properly? If you just use a little more ductape to attach a pencil to the baby's neck to keep it straight, you can pick him up by the leg if you want! The system, though, broke down around two am when the doll started screaming simply to be held. Even ductape couldn't save him now. Or any of us, for that matter. (Considerate Nathaniel had declined to sleep downstairs or anywhere else farther from the rest of us, meaning no one got a full night of sleep).